Thursday, December 19, 2013

Obama Rap Targets Minority Millennials

White House Briefing Room

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Jay Carney: First, an announcement. In an effort to shore up support among his most loyal followers, the president has written a rap song targeting minority millennials.

Ed Henry: A rap? Who helped him?

Carney: No one. The president believes that even in a room full of famous rappers like Jay-Z, he'd be the one most likely to produce a hit.

[passes out copies of the lyrics; reporters scan]

Major Garrett: Jay, the normal rap verse has sixteen bars, the chorus eight. The president's effort violates these standards. And the rhyme scheme is . . . unusual.

Carney: The president doesn't feel bound by the rules, Major. He's said repeatedly, if he can't work within convention when he raps whites--uh, I mean, writes raps-- he'll ignore convention.

Garrett: Who's going to set this to music?

Carney: Unnecessary. The faithful will supply the beat as they imagine  him performing the song. If he records it for the general public, he'll appropriate some other rapper's music. The president has told rappers many times, "If I like your beat, I can keep it." 

[end transcript]

The rap:

Gotta Get Up Before We Get Down 

I'm the oval office brother who pushed through the mother
of all health care laws
and if that turkey's gonna fly whether now or by and by
ya gotta sign for it bro then pony what ya owe
doesn't matter a damn if ya bum it or ya cadge it
or ya score it in a scam
don't be rebelius give it up for Sebelius
Rashan help me here man you're just what I need
be a navigator you can still smoke your weed
sell the pitch I been hawkin' in the 'hood get 'em talkin'
I got your back in a mess if the Caspers cause you stress
they'll be hearin' from my friends at the IRSsssssssss
don't give me cause to regret or whatcha get I'm in trouble
is a poppin'-ready bubble name of Biden


first, dependency
then ascendancy
for our descendancy

now that everythin' is ridin' I finally come outta hidin'
we won't be thwarted or aborted
make it happen you can choose there is no way we can lose
you're my bouncers I'm the cooler
I'll be straight like a ruler
let's get tight right now right now


ya gotta join in the struggle for the ill-gotten gains
of the movers and the shakers on the streets Wall and Main
we will take what we are due like the Sioux we'll count coup
on the souls of the masters and their double-talkin' pastors
on the bankers and the Trumps and the phonies on the stumps
on the bosses in their offas and the supers in the sweats
no more settlin' for the scraps at the foot of the table
no more truck-wide income gaps 'ablin' biddies to wear sable
at the time that we have won they will know that they are done
and we'll be sittin' pretty like Scarface own the city
and the ones who called us chums they'll be fightin' for our crumbs
wonderin' how the hell that happened while they're suckin' on their thumbs


first, restitution
then redistribution
sweet retribution

if we don't stick together like those birds of a feather
we will never take our place on the seat of the throne
where who you want you can punish and the rest throw a bone
you're my bouncers I'm the cooler
I'll be straight like a ruler
let's get tight right now right now

1 comment:

  1. «Louis» suggests one improvement. Because (c)rap is the ONLY word in the English language that begins with a silent "c", add (c) before each rap...

    You might enjoy «Louis'» collection of Pajama Boy posts:
    HERE, HERE and HERE.