Tuesday, February 17, 2015

You Accuse, I haRaSs

OBAMA: They're getting closer, John. What now?

IRS COMMISIONER KOSKINEN: Hmm. Let's deflect instead of obstruct.Tomorrow I’ll expose a plot by rogue Caucasians in our D. C. office to audit you.

OBAMA: Making me a victim. Wonderful!

JOE BIDEN: I dunno, Chief. Who’s gonna believe a coupla his GS-7s set you up?

KOSKINEN: I’ll claim that, unfortunately, the proof he was targeted was destroyed in a fire later on tonight.

JACK LEW: Might work, sir. I’ll inform Chairman Chaffetz you’ll be glad to appear before his committee concerning this attempt by malcontents to defame you.

OBAMA: Josh, schedule a news conference. I’ll alert the nation the president is also subject to overreach by federal authorities, and I’ll pledge to do everything in my power to expose the rot in the White House and IRS when I leave office and have more time.

VALERIE JARRETT: Best to do something sooner, Barack. Rename the IRS the American People’s Collection Authority.

OBAMA: With the slate wiped clean, APCA can resume its assault on conservatives who think they have standing to express abhorrent views.

KOSKINEN: We’ve hired Lois Lerner off the books to resume her harassment of the right, sir. She’s listening in on a conference line.

OBAMA: Lois, thank you for your service. What have you been up to lately.

LERNER: Going forward, sir, conservative groups applying for tax exempt status will confront an even more invasive Inquisition playbook. Sample question: “How long after conception did each member of your organization feel pulled to the right?” Also, from now on we’ll consider applications from Tea Party groups prima facie evidence of law-breaking.

OBAMA: Sic ‘em, Lois. I got your back.