Saturday, July 2, 2016

Hillary War Room: Lynchpin

HILLARY: What’d she say when you offered her four more years as AG?

BILL: She laughed in my face, darlin’.  Humiliatin!  Came close to tellin’ mah agents to escort her off the plane.

HUMA ABEDIN: It was her plane, spouse of she who must be obeyed.

HILLARY: Never mind. Did you up the inducement, as I instructed.

BILL: Ah did, dear.  Guaranteed her two terms as AG and a social membership at Burning Tree Country Club.

HUMA: I believe that is a men-only facility, my Queen.

HILLARY: For now. Bill?

BILL: She just laughed harder. Ah asked her what she wanted to sit on Comey’s recommendation until the end of time. You’re not gonna believe it.

HILLARY: Try me.  

BILL: Said she reveres the Constitution and thinks the system of checks and balances is broken.

HILLARY: What does that . . . ?

BILL: Claimed there’s only one way to set it right: get someone with skin in each branch to referee power grabs. So, you gotta support her for the open senate seat in Maryland and nominate her for SCOTUS on Day One.

HILLARY: Ohhkk. But those positions wouldn’t give her authority to . . .

BILL: Um, the DOJ would become the Department of Justice and Checks and Balances.

HILLARY: Well, that covers the bases. Is that it?

BILL: Nope. You make her your VP, too.

HILLARY: Lordy, I thought I was ambitious. So if I agree to her terms, we’re in the clear?

BILL: Um, no, you’re in the clear. Spiking indictments against me and Chelsea triggers a whole new set of demands.

HILLARY: Huma, reach out to Brock at Research and Destroy. On speaker.

DAVID BROCK: Yes, Excellency.

HILLARY: Put a couple of your gumshoes on the AG. Find out if she ever goes walking in Fort Marcy Park.