WASHPOST: We gotta drop the "Transition in Disarray" meme. Pence is moving things along like nobody's business. Other tacks?
NPR: Trump's a compulsive, impulsive Tweeter. Let's put stories out there that provoke him to shoot from the hip before Bannon can stop him.
NYTIMES: Works for us. Tomorrow, we'll flip from the bungled transition to an above-the-fold piece titled, "Rush to Choose Cabinet May Come Back to Haunt Trump."
WASHPOST: Good! His head will explode. Our people will stir the pot with: "Experts Urge Trump to Give His Wealth to the Poor."
CBS: Hmm. We’ll have Bill Plante push the story along on CBS Evening News one night this week. How’s this: "Rift Developing Between President-elect, Ivanka over Disposition of Trump Billions." He'll cite an anonymous source close to the family.
NYTIMES: Who . . . ?
CBS: [winks] Plante's brother-in-law. He's close to Bill's family.
David, glad you're on the team. You have an initiative to propose?
BROCK: I do. [passes out prints] A professionally photoshopped picture of Trump, Putin, and a donkey in a mé·nage à trois.
CNN: Ah, none of us can use . . .
BROCK: I know. The boss's influence will get it into a tabloid. When Trump sees it, he'll spark a Twitterstorm. Then it’s big news and, however obliquely, you'll have to cover it.
CNN: Um, thank you, David. We'll discuss your proposal and get back to you.
Jeez, they said he was loopy, but . . .
ABC: The Big Man doesn't like criticism of the people he’s been interviewing. We'll resurrect a Romney slander, reporting the rumor that Romney flew to New York with his dog in the plane's wheel well.
NBC: Where did you hear this?
ABC: Nowhere. I just said it. That's how rumors start.
NBC: We're targeting Sessions. Friday, we'll run a piece on a researcher from Yale who claims he's discovered the genetic marker for racism. We've alerted Schumer. He'll demand Sessions undergo genome sequencing to rule out he's a carrier. Trump will go crazy.
NPR: OK, a fine start. Now, everyone join hands. Let's remember what we're about here: salvaging our tattered reputations as movers and shakers by bringing down this president. Our motto: The people have spoken and we don't care.