Sunday, October 20, 2013

Life Support

Live from the Oval Office
The President of the United States, Barack Obama

Good evening, my fellow citizens.

Tonight we stand at a crossroads.

I am not surprised the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act crashed and burned so soon. The problem was, Speaker Boehner caved early, shifting attention to the fiasco. Stuff happens.

Our goal was that the PPACA would prove unworkable over time. Eventually, I would heed your pleas and impose a single payer system, similar to the one Canadians who’ve never tried to access their benefits are very happy with. But the situation has changed.

What happens now? We aren’t going back to the time when most Americans were satisfied with their health insurance and the uninsured had options. We must go forward.

However time-consuming and annoying it is, Americans must continue their attempts to access If you’re fortunate enough to get through, I expect you to create an account. Should that occur, you must choose a plan, any plan. It may be the wrong plan, but we can sort that out later.

I’ve instructed the IRS to exhibit no tolerance for people who ignore their civic duty in this matter. Joe Baqualini in Peoria, you’re 28 and whatever plan you choose, your fees will be most useful in making the PPACA work, at least for a while. But the NSA tells me you tried several times to log on to, then gave up. Unacceptable. Keep trying, Joe. Failure is not an option. 

Jennifer Polino in Seattle, you haven’t made one attempt to access the site, though you appear to have plenty of time to tweet. Get your head on straight, girl, or choices will be made for you.

As Ben Franklin said, and I paraphrase, we must all work together or I’ll see to it that you hang, separately.

Good night, and may God help America.

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