JOE BIDEN: Huh? Why’s the Boss sitting in the corner in his pjs
MICHELLE: He’s depressed about Mandela.
VALERIE JARRETT: Well, that’s underst . . .
MICHELLE: More than depressed. He’s sulking, too. Mandela’s death reminds him he’ll have to die to get all the love and adulation he deserves. Thinks it’s unfair he won’t be able to share in the sorrow at his passing. Anyway, I’m running things until his therapist clears him for duty.
BIDEN: Lemme talk to ‘im. [goes over to the president] Hey Chief, snap outta it. Mandela was one of a kind. For the world to love you that much, why, you’d, you’d . . .
OBAMA: Say it, Joe.
BIDEN: You’d need to be removed from office, exiled to an island, eventually released, go back into public service in support of the revolution, then croak.
OBAMA: Exactly, and I‘m good with that scenario, except for the last part. Joe, I’m tired of the presidency. The thrill is gone. There’s nothing else out there sufficient to test my abilities and give me Mandela-like status.
BIDEN: You’ve done way more than necessary to be unfairly impeached, but House Republicans have no spine.
JARRETT: Sir, there is a way: instruct the Capitol Police to arrest Boehner and disband the House. Then they’ll have to act. Reid will oblige you with a trumped-up conviction. Afterwards, place yourself under house arrest on Martha’s Vineyard.
OBAMA: Hmm. Then this fall, President Biden pardons me and ends my ordeal on the Vineyard. He names me Community Organizer to the World. When I’m 60, Michelle stages a living funeral for me so that I can participate in the celebration of my life. Yes, that’s the way to go. Excuse me, I’m off to begin writing my eulogy.