Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Road to Damascus

OBAMA: [sipping a Mai Tai on the beach during a conference call] It's bad, isn't it?

: Yeah, Boss.

: How bad?

: At your impeachment trial, I'll vote to convict if there's a tie. But don't worry. It'll never get that far.

JAY CARNEY: The Senate won't need Biden's swing vote, sir.

: Oh. What happens, happens. There's always my family.

: Michelle, her mother, and the kids left for Chicago last night, Barack.

: Nobody told me. Well, at least I have my trusted aides like you and Jay and . . .

: We're back in D. C. getting Joe ready for the big time, sir.

OBAMA: [looking around] Hey, where are my Secret Service people?

JARRETT: Um, your detail is now augmenting mine.

: I'm going to walk to town, get a coconut shaved ice and a coupla chili dogs, and give all this some thought. 

[On the road, a blinding white light stops Obama cold. A voice comes out of the sky]

Barack, Barack. Have you forgotten everything I taught you?

: Saul? Saul Alinsky, is that you?

ALINSKY: Who else? In a minute I must return to the pit. Listen carefully. Go back to Washington. Citing Congress's abysmal ratings, dissolve the legislature and call for new elections in 2016. Summon your advisors, your PR people, and your bundlers. Tell them you've just had a "Road to Damascus" moment, the scales have fallen from your eyes, and you now know what you must do. 

: Which is? 

: Spend the next three years finishing what you started: the destruction of the American way of life. In time there will be a place for you down here. I'll use my influence to get you a spot with a little draft.

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