For visitors from American Thinker, below is the updated parody of a Democratic president discussing foreign policy -- except it seems less far-fetched than it did in the original version featuring President Obama five years ago:
LIVE, FROM THE SITUATION ROOM
THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE
BROADCASTING SYSTEM PRESENTS
THE CEBS EVENING NEWS WITH RACHEL MADDOW
MADDOW: Good
evening. Tonight we talk live with the
president of the United States, Beto O”Rourke.
Welcome, sir. Thanks for coming on.
O’ROURKE: He did what
he had to, Rachel. With the Bear awake,
we couldn’t have protected them in the long run, anyway. Actually, it’s to our
advantage to let Eastern Europe fall into the Russian orbit again. So I’ll be adopting policies to embolden
Putin.
MADDOW: Embolden
Putin? Please explain, sir.
O’ROURKE: It’s a lot
easier to downsize our military if we aren’t resisting Russian expansionism,
Rachel. In fact, the only way to check a new Russian Empire is to encourage one
resembling the old Soviet model.
MADDOW: Are you
saying we should welcome the reconstitution of the Warsaw Pact, sir?
O’ROURKE: Absolutely. We also stand aside when Putin gobbles back up the post-Soviet states.
MADDOW: Why?
O’ROURKE: In a flash,
Russia becomes big, bloated, and hidebound again. More territory to defend,
obscene military budgets, restive populations.
Meanwhile, we’re sitting pretty on the sidelines watching it all go
down.
MADDOW: I think I
understand. Instead of becoming a sleek
new superpower, Russia morphs into the Soviet Union 2.0., a lumbering, doomed
giant.
O’ROURKE: Correct.
MADDOW: Let me play
devil’s advocate, sir. Wouldn’t this
strategy forfeit our leverage with Putin and get us nothing in return?
O’ROURKE: Letting
Russia assume our responsibilities as a counterweight to China and Iran, that’s
nothing?
MADDOW: Our European
allies, are they on board, sir?
O’ROURKE: Not
exactly, Rachel. And I don’t care.
Here’s where I agree with Republicans: Old Europe has been a drain on us since
World War II. About time another
superpower looked out for those failed states.
Why not Russia?
MADDOW: So, you’d
encourage Putin to extend Russia’s sphere of influence to the Atlantic?
O’ROURKE: Yes, and
here’s how: U.S. sponsorship of the first “World Peace Conference” at Camp
David. On opening day, I’d deliver a riff on the late Rodney King’s “Can’t we
all just get along” plea.
MADDOW: Forgive me,
sir, but everybody knows by now your speeches are full of ground round and
curry, dignifying frothing.
O’ROURKE: Ouch. Actually, this address has substance. I’ll
label NATO a relic of the Cold War and call for its disbandment.
MADDOW: Makes sense,
sir. No NATO, no confrontation when
Russia moves west.
Mr. President, what’s the status of the economic initiative
you’re rumored to be working on with Putin? Word is, it’ll ease the transition
to Russian hegemony on the Continent.
O’ROURKE: We’re
close. We’ve agreed to prop up the ruble
by manipulating Western currencies.
Russia guarantees delivery of natural gas to our former allies, except
in time of war or international tension.
Best deal we could get.
Oh, and Putin wants our backing for what he’s calling the
Greater European Co-Prosperity Sphere.
MADDOW: Nice ring to it, sir. Um, some
actions you’ve described to me may appear to others as signs of weakness.
O’ROURKE: Rachel, if
no one considers us a threat, why would anyone threaten us? Fact is, we are the world’s foremost
importer, with over 300 million voracious consumers. Anything jeopardizes our
economy, the whole world goes belly up. So, mess with us, and fifty countries
are on your case.
MADDOW: I hear you,
sir.
