President O'Rourke Has Putin's Number

For visitors from American Thinker, below is the updated parody of a Democratic president discussing foreign policy --  except it seems less far-fetched than it did in the original version featuring President Obama five years ago:

LIVE, FROM THE SITUATION ROOM

THE CHIEF EXECUTIVE BROADCASTING SYSTEM PRESENTS 

THE CEBS EVENING NEWS WITH RACHEL MADDOW

MADDOW:  Good evening.  Tonight we talk live with the president of the United States, Beto O”Rourke.  Welcome, sir. Thanks for coming on.

O’ROURKE:  My pleasure, Rach.

MADDOW:  Let’s address foreign policy tonight. Mr. President.  Czechoslovakia and Poland indicated today they’re still unhappy with President Obama for breaking his promise to them on missile defense several years ago.

O’ROURKE:  He did what he had to, Rachel.  With the Bear awake, we couldn’t have protected them in the long run, anyway. Actually, it’s to our advantage to let Eastern Europe fall into the Russian orbit again.  So I’ll be adopting policies to embolden Putin.

MADDOW:  Embolden Putin?  Please explain, sir.

O’ROURKE:  It’s a lot easier to downsize our military if we aren’t resisting Russian expansionism, Rachel. In fact, the only way to check a new Russian Empire is to encourage one resembling the old Soviet model.

MADDOW:  Are you saying we should welcome the reconstitution of the Warsaw Pact, sir?

 O’ROURKE:  Absolutely.  We also stand aside when Putin gobbles back up the post-Soviet states.

MADDOW:  Why?

O’ROURKE:  In a flash, Russia becomes big, bloated, and hidebound again. More territory to defend, obscene military budgets, restive populations.  Meanwhile, we’re sitting pretty on the sidelines watching it all go down.

MADDOW:  I think I understand.  Instead of becoming a sleek new superpower, Russia morphs into the Soviet Union 2.0., a lumbering, doomed giant.

O’ROURKE:  Correct.

MADDOW:  Let me play devil’s advocate, sir.  Wouldn’t this strategy forfeit our leverage with Putin and get us nothing in return?

O’ROURKE:  Letting Russia assume our responsibilities as a counterweight to China and Iran, that’s nothing?

MADDOW:  Our European allies, are they on board, sir?

O’ROURKE:  Not exactly, Rachel.  And I don’t care. Here’s where I agree with Republicans: Old Europe has been a drain on us since World War II.  About time another superpower looked out for those failed states.  Why not Russia?

MADDOW:  So, you’d encourage Putin to extend Russia’s sphere of influence to the Atlantic?

O’ROURKE:  Yes, and here’s how: U.S. sponsorship of the first “World Peace Conference” at Camp David. On opening day, I’d deliver a riff on the late Rodney King’s “Can’t we all just get along” plea.

MADDOW:  Forgive me, sir, but everybody knows by now your speeches are full of ground round and curry, dignifying frothing.

O’ROURKE:  Ouch.  Actually, this address has substance. I’ll label NATO a relic of the Cold War and call for its disbandment.

MADDOW:  Makes sense, sir.  No NATO, no confrontation when Russia moves west.

Mr. President, what’s the status of the economic initiative you’re rumored to be working on with Putin? Word is, it’ll ease the transition to Russian hegemony on the Continent.

O’ROURKE:  We’re close.  We’ve agreed to prop up the ruble by manipulating Western currencies.  Russia guarantees delivery of natural gas to our former allies, except in time of war or international tension.  Best deal we could get.

Oh, and Putin wants our backing for what he’s calling the Greater European Co-Prosperity Sphere.

MADDOW:  Nice ring to it, sir.  Um, some actions you’ve described to me may appear to others as signs of weakness.

O’ROURKE:  Rachel, if no one considers us a threat, why would anyone threaten us?  Fact is, we are the world’s foremost importer, with over 300 million voracious consumers. Anything jeopardizes our economy, the whole world goes belly up. So, mess with us, and fifty countries are on your case.

MADDOW:  I hear you, sir.