I Am Also Waiting

This was inspired by Lawrence Ferlinghetti's poem "I Am Waiting," from A Coney Island of the Mind, (1958).  An earlier version appeared in my book, You Hear Me, Barack?  PC-Free Conservative Satire.

I am waiting for Kamala Harris

to add some protein

to her word salads

and I am waiting for President Biden

to eat a copy of the Constitution

and tell us if it’s binding

and I am waiting for Greg Gutfield

to be invited on The View

and I am waiting for George Soros

to endow the Pravda Chair

at the Columbia University School of Journalism

and i am waiting for the administration

to ok construction of the keystone pipeline

on condition it carries no oil

and I am really waiting

for Michelle Obama to say

she’ll still love America

if Kamala Harris is not elected

 

I am waiting for someone to explain

how Trump is just like Hitler

and I am waiting for “pork barrel”

to disappear from the lexicon

because it offends CAIR

and I am waiting for Stephen Colbert

to make me laugh

and I am waiting for the administration to admit

the push to EVs

has not been grounded in reality

and I am really waiting for Madonna

to declare she’s old as hell

and she’s not gonna shake it anymore

 

I am waiting for NOVA

to declare an imminent  extinction event

involving NPR and PBS

and I am waiting for Dan Rather

to wrap up his career

like a tortilla at a street stand in Juarez

and I am waiting for Google

to characterize the FBI’s document dumps

as scatological

and I am waiting for 60 minutes

to run out the clock

and I am really waiting for Hillary Clinton

to go back to Chappaqua

and have teas and bake cookies

 

I am waiting for the FCC

to scrap its proposal

to monitor hateful thoughts

and I am waiting for someone

to interrupt Bill O’Reilly

and I am waiting for Carville and Matthews

to join a group for anger management issues

and I am waiting for Tim Waltz

to create a GoFundMe account

for the People’s Republic of China

and I am waiting for the New York Times

to offer new subscribers  lunch at Gramercy Tavern

with Krugman and Dowd

 and i am waiting for the AARP! AARP! 

to stop woofing submissively

when Schumer says "heel"

and I am really waiting for Old Media

to request end-of-life counseling